The Devil's Attic - Review by Ash

Welcome to Hell...

Okay, so we may not have ACTUALLY descended into Hell, but it sure felt like it. For starters, let me just say we visited here once many moons back (like, 3 or 4 years or so?), and we went on a crappy night. It was raining, it was dreary, and we got stuck going with a YOUNG kid that was probably too young to be going there (parents, please understand, just because your young one likes scary stuff on TV doesn't mean they are ready for this intensity) screaming and crying, and it ruined the experience. So we were admittedly a little biased and skeptical upon arrival, but hey, we'd both had LONG days and we really needed this excitement.

Moving on to today. The line was already long at 8pm when they opened, and we went up to buy our tickets. Done. We went through the security (my ass made it beep - I only hope it was the button on my pocket!) and waited our turn. The actors in line were spectacular! Pig Man (idk his real name, this is what I'm calling him) got me FIVE full times, and got Kayla four! He was awesome, his costume was incredible, and I was overall impressed. (Ignore my weird face...lol!)

After the characters in the line had their fun with us, we had a photo op with some interesting props, and apparently everyone thinks I was way too excited about getting to decapitate Kayla. What do you guys think?

A big thank you to Esther, the crazed photographer, for not only communicating with us and showing us a Hell of a welcome (haha, get it?) but for taking a wicked pic and for making us go in alone. Normally we adopt a couple or a group to go in with us, but we got singled out at this haunt. Lucky us...or was it?

We're led inside, and I meet my future employer. He doesn't know it yet, but according to some of the stuff I say, I get told frequently I'm going to Hell. Might as well take the full tour now and get ready for it, right?! His costume and makeup are impeccable. Honestly, when we walked in, I kinda thought...well, nevermind. You'll see when you go, and trust me when I say you NEED to go.

So we're led further into Hell, and for a no-touch haunt, these guys and gals really know how to scare the ever-loving piss out of you! Between the set design and the makeup, the props, and of course the undeniable talent of the actors, you really get your money's worth on this one! There are a few horror movie scenes, and walking into some of them, you recognize the films but don't always know what to expect. Uncle Frank had a thing for us, though, and genuinely creeped me TF out! Everything was SO over the top. Oh! And let's not forget, you'll get lost. Which way do you go? Oops, nope, that's a scary monster, let's try again. Nope, not this one either! Holy Hell, there is no way out!! AAHHHH!!!

It was nonstop from beginning to end. No time to catch your breath, no time to calm your racing heart, and by the time you finally reach the end, you kind of accept the fact that you are never gonna leave this place. This was a MASSIVE improvement over our last experience years ago, and major kudos to the whole team for really scaring the shit out of us. I screamed so much I lost my voice until Monday morning. (Just in time for work...yay.)



Again, another obvious 5 star haunt. If you've never been you need to go. If you've already been, go again.

Phew! TWO five star haunts so far this season! (Well, technically three, but two were at the same place.) What is next?!

The Legend at Pope Lick Review by Ash

I'm a little late getting this review up. Partially because I'm freakin busy as hell, and partially because I was torn on posting it at all. BUT in the end, I decided to go ahead and post it with a preface.

As luck would have it, we visited the Legend at Pope Lick on a really really off night. Half the cast and crew had called out, people were scrambling to fill in, and things were really not a normal night. We didn't know this going in, nor did the other visitors that night, and likely as not they had the same experience. So given that, I do want to say we were hoping to find time in our review schedule to go through again and give this haunt a second chance, but our schedules simply won't allow that. There are too many haunts, too little time, and too many other obligations going on. Here's what I experienced - again, not the norm, so we are told!

(side note: I do not own these images, I pulled them from Google)

For starters, this haunt got some really great reviews, which is part of the reason why we wanted to visit anyway. I really wanted to love this haunt. Unfortunately though, it fell short of our expectations, and given the circumstances we can see why.

To begin, we parked and weren't even sure we were in the right place. there was very little lighting, a concssion stand, and little else to indictate a haunted house existed there. We made our way to the concession stand and stood in line since there was no other signage or indication of where to go. The lady running the counter said if we weren't buying snacks we could go on to the haunt and pointed to my right. We turned, took a few steps, but still there was no signage or anything to guide us. Finally a gentleman stood up with a flashlight and pointed with it to a sidewalk WAYYYYY down the way and said to follow it to the haunt.

Um. Okay.

We crossed the grass in the dark praying it didn't have any holes for us to fall or stumble in until we reached the concrete path. We walked...and walked...and walked...until it finally turned into gravel. Then we walked...and walked...and finally made it to a path between trees that turned out to be the entrance to the haunt. It was not very prominent and an unexpectedly LONG walk to get there.

We stood in line for a bit, there was one actor hanging out with us in the short line so it helped it to not seem as long as it was. We were handed a flashlight between the three of us and led inside.

I do need to say this: PLEASE step carefully. One flashlight between three people means one person can see okay, one person can see a little bit, and one person is following blindly. I know, because we alternated who was in front/middle/back and who had the flashlight. The path through the woods is not well lit, so those without the flashlight are going to stumble a bit.

We did meet a dentist who was more interested in making us laugh than scream, it appeared. And there was one scene that absolutely horrified me. Not due to the acting, because I never even saw her. She made no move to try and take advantage of my phobia and elicit more screams. I ended up charging through it in about six steps and on to the next scene.

There were very few actors that night, and we understand that is not the norm. But it was still very obvious when we saw actors running between sets and scenes, and most of the actors seemed disinterested. Then the object of the haunt - what the whole haunt was supposed to be about - was an absolute letdown. There was a deafening sound, the goat man popped out and roared at us, then went back into hiding.



What the Hell? There's this whole epic story line with so much promise and potential, and he literally pops out to say boo and goes away, leaving us feeling nothing more than slightly startled and annoyed.

We had an equally long walk back to our car, that seemed to take forever. There were so many things that went wrong with this night, from start to finish. No signage or lights pointing us in the right direction, too long of a hike to get there, not enough scares, not enough light or lighting options, no real interest in scaring us, and another long hike to get back.

There were some positives - I know I've only focused on the negatives so far, but really I'm just being honest there. The scenery that I could see looked to be well thought out and put together. It was too hard to see the quality in a lot of places, so I can't speak to that. The costumes we did see were pretty fly for the characters the actors were portraying, except for the Goat Man. (I honestly thought it was one of those weird white baboons at first.)

While it wasn't the world's most detestable haunt, Legend at Pope Lick really missed the mark on this night in a lot of ways. I'm sorry to say this, for me, was only a 2 star haunt.

Now, please take that with a grain of salt. I know sometimes things happen that are outside your control, and that is unfortunate. I am absolutely willing to visit again next year (or if the fates allow, I might revisit this year) and I fully expect a different experience, similar to the ones others are getting already. I think this was a fluke, and not the experience everyone else will suffer.

American Horrorplex Take 2 - INVASIVE

So, I know it's been a hot minute since we visited American Horrorplex, and my second review still hasn't been posted - my apologies! But don't worry. The events that unfolded that night are burned into my brain...which I thought was going to end up as a spare part for the doctors to play with.

So, Invasive. Yeah. Invasive is definitely a MILD way to put what we went through in that place. We got these nifty little safety vests and made our way inside. So far, everything seems normal. But once inside and the door closes, all bets are off! I have been going to the dentist pretty frequently to fix my jacked up teeth over the last couple of years so thankfully I wasn't too terrified...until he wanted one of mine for his collection. Nah, I'm good, you don't need these, they're bad. What's that? Nope, don't want one of yours either!

NEXT!


Okay, so the dentist wanted our teeth. But the next assault by creatures wanted ALL OUR SPARE PARTS. And they didn't want to let us go till they got one. Yikes!! The actors in this haunt are all up in your personal space, pulling you one way then the other, sending what's left of any hope of escape right out the window. By the way...where are the windows? Where are the doors? Oh my gosh, I don't even see any way out!!

I won't offer up any other spoilers, but here's the thing. It's the same haunt, the same actors, the same scenes. Only this time, you do NOT get a chance to breathe. You are quarantined, separated from your group, lost, baptized, and OHMYGODDIDTHEYJUSTPUTTHATINTHEIRMOUTHS?! I don't think that was safe for human consumption! (Maybe they're...not quite...human??) You'll go to church and lose your faith as well as your sanity. Don't forget to take your medicine (like you have a choice?), and OHMYGODTHEY'RESTILLCOMINGAFTERUS!!


I really can't say much else without giving stuff away, and trust me, you don't wanna have this experience spoiled for you. Just know that even though this is the same haunt, this is NOT the same experience at all, and if you're not too chicken, you need this in your life.

By the way, did I mention THEY PUT THAT IN THEIR MOUTHS!! That is one tea party I want no part of!

Obviously 5 stars. I'd give it more if I could, honestly! The owners have really stepped up the haunted house game and set a HIGH standard for the others to reach. Can't wait to see what comes next from this new yet absolutely horrifying haunt in the coming years!

Black Orchard Review by Ash

Welcome back, ya'll! If you're reading this, it means 2 things.

1. We survived the haunt and lived to tell about it
2. You're here to find out our take on the Black Orchard haunt in Shelbyville

The night was dark and a strange funky smell hung in the air. I'm not sure if it was intentional or just some surrounding funk...or maybe it was fear? Either way, we made our way down the hill - be careful! It's uneven and downhill, and if you have my impressive grace, you could be risking life and limp before you even get inside. 

We stood in line as the only ones in line for a short bit, chitchatting with the crazed locals, before being led inside by the Butcher. Now, I will say this: the butcher was friendly and all, and he was knowledgeable telling us about what to expect, but his role seemed a little clunky and awkward. Like, I get it, you need the intro, but the scenery and props weren't exactly believable, his character seemed unnecessary, and honestly, they could've given us the rules outside where there was at least a little more air to breathe. Maybe that was just me, and it's not a stab at the actor, but it just seemed a little pointless. 

On we go. I purposely stayed in the back to see how well they did with scaring the group (there were only 3 of us, so it wasn't that much to deal with) but real talk - they only really focused on the first two and I watched the others get scared while I laughed my way through. It was more funny to me than scary. The scares were solely based on the BOO factor - they jump out and scare you then go back for the most part. I think Kayla made a new friend, and our third member for the night may have made a new boyfriend, but overall the scares weren't really up to our expectations. It's possible we hit them on a bad night, and these things DO happen. But I wouldn't feel I were being true to the blog or our purpose if I didn't tell the truth and share our real experiences. 

The haunt was entertaining, but it wasn't all that scary. I feel like it could have been a real success but some of the rooms were empty and some were lackluster. The whole group didn't get the same experience, and there wasn't a lot of actual fear to be had. Gotta give this one 3 stars. Sorry guys, but it just didn't live up to our previous experience. We expected more, but we'll try again next year.

American Horrorplex Take 1 (non-Invasive)

Review by Ash

5 Stars

In its inaugural year, on only its second night alive (if you can call what's in there "alive"), American Horrorplex catapults you into a twisted night of terror. And you're lucky if you make it out alive and without contamination.

Sure, the line was long - here is a good time to buy the VIP pass and skip the line. I tend to feel that way about most places cause I'm an impatient brat, but I think you're gonna want to get to the good stuff faster. Spring for it if you can.

There are two different experiences at American Horrorplex: the regular walk-through and the Invasive walk-through. I'll review Invasive later - it's a wholly different experience! For now, I'll focus on our first trip through. 

Kayla and I adopted a couple we found fun and thought they would make a great sacrifice - I mean...nevermind. Colton and Trix Yogurt (Robyn), thanks for hanging out with us, first off. Y'all were a blast! Second, omg, I think Robyn made a whole ship full of sailors blush as the spew of newly formed expletives rushed out in every scene! It was fabulous, and y'all were great sports. 

In the line, we are treated to the fun talents of Dr. Heart (with a little heart on her lab coat), 47, creepy dude (I'm sure he has a name but for the life of me I don't remember if we ever got it), and the minions. NOT the yellow guys, either. The sounds, sights, and yes, smells, are an adventure all their own. They kept us entertained and the lady who wears her heart on her...outside of her chest...offered us candy. I mean, you're never too old for candy!! Just maybe don't get too close to 47. He is pretty damn convincing that he's not gonna move. DON'T TRUST HIM!! And maybe don't smell his teeth...just my opinion.

Once it's our turn, we're ushered into a cage where the rules and regulations are delivered to us in a German accent. None of us speak German, so the lovely lady switched to English for our benefit. Then we're taken inside and the real fun begins. 

No no, we don't need a trip to the dentist, and sure, we'll go meet your children! Wait, what? No, I need my body parts for myself, thanks! You again?! Kitty? KITTY! Kayla's seen your kitty! (Not that kind, you perv!) Oh shit, someone find his damn kitty! Oh good, a church. Wait. No no no, I don't need this religion! Okay, he's alive, but that guy isn't, is he? Or is he? IS HE??? Why all the banging doors? For the love of God don't let whatever is in there out! Oh, a lady cop, she'll help us - nope! Wrong again! Ooooh, I wanna pull the lever!! No, I don't wanna go in there! Is that poo? Nah...oh, wait...yep, THAT is poo. Oh shit. I'm not going in there. I AM NOT GOING IN THERE!! Damn it, I went in there and no, those are not tears in my eyes. I'm not scaredy-crying, YOU are! I'M NOT STEPPING ON THAT! *Sorry I called you a fucking bitch, Kayla!* Oh look, more hungry people wanna eat us. I'm more popular here than I've ever been! Oh good, a chance to catch our - NOOOPPPEE!!! WTF are y'all?! No, I don't wanna play! Get me outta here!

Whew! Yeah, I skipped a little bit that Kayla outlined, but omg, you can NOT fit all that we went through into a decent length review. That was nonstop, heart thudding, adrenaline-pumping, scream-inducing assault on our sense of reality and sanity, ending only in the need and desire to GTFO of that place! 

The set design was very well thought out and executed, the makeup and costumes were spot-on, and the whole haunt seemed to blur the lines between realism and surrealism. Are you awake? Are you having a nightmare? Is there really a difference at this point?

All said and done, obviously this haunt gets 5 stars. I can't say one bad thing other than I question the sanity of the creators and developers of this trippy haunt. I'd recommend therapy but I've seen the doctors they hang out with and I'm pretty sure those folks replaced the line between sanity and insanity with a banana ages ago. 

Haunted Review - Danger Run (NO SPOILERS) by Ash

For 24 years, it's been a challenge to survive the night. But in year 25, the game changed.

Quite literally, SO much was different! On its 25th birthday, Danger Run stepped outside their comfort zone and pushed you to new boundaries. Let's get started, shall we?

Okay for starters, for those of you who stupidly didn't check the website and find this out, the starting gate at the Dixie location is no more. Don't try it, you'll feel like a donkey. (We did, anyway.) But the Hurstbourne location is still very much up and running, and you can start online. Other than that, I swear I don't remember any other gates, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Just be smart, check before you go!

So you go to the gate, pay your $30, and you get your clue book(s) and a goody bag. Not too shabby! The clues are different this year - instead of 5-line limericks, you have 2 line rhymes. Honestly, while I admit I love the limericks, I like the 2-liner ones too. They were easier to solve with less erroneous information, and yes, I get it, that was the point of the limericks sometimes, but as the night grew later and later, we were happy to have less info to sift through. 

That being said, don't expect this year to be any easier just because the clues are more concise. The simplicity is DECEIVING, I tell you! Some clues are pretty easy, like which way to turn out of the gate. After that though, it gets a little tricky. Not gonna lie, we already missed our turn on clue 2 or 3, y'all. 

So the roads. Some of these were creepy AF. What kind of monsters live on these dark terror-filled streets?! (Okay, actually, if I had the money I probably would, it was nice to be able to see stars and not have your neighbors so close you can shake hands through your windows. But that's not what's important.) There were moments when we were convinced we'd gone the wrong way or missed something the clue was telling us to look for. There were times when the clues were worded in such a way you felt like you were naked in a physics class giving a speech on aeronautics when the highest science you'd taken was Bio 1. (Really let that image sink in...) So the clues were pretty epic this year, I give DR so much credit there! 

Not to make you panic or anything, but this year there are also missions. Now, perhaps because it was opening weekend and they had some bugs to work out, perhaps our people were new or just tired, but ultimately we were given SLIGHTLY confusing information. Big hint: JUST FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS IN THE CLUE BOOK REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY SAY. We aren't mad at the people, I'm sure they didn't see us pull up and think, "haha, I'm gonna ruin their effing night!" Just a helpful hint for the missions. Anyway, so you follow the directions and either look for landmarks and enter which clue you used to find them, or you simply do as the mission says. There is one on each page, and the clues on the neighboring pages won't affect the missions. It's one page, one mission. And they're FUN! Tricky, confusing, and downright weird, but so much fun. They also include sensory clues. You get to involve your sense of taste, smell, sight, lack of sight, and you also get to play with dice and a special flashlight. This is where your goody bag comes into play. All the stuff you need to solve some of the missions will be in that bag - don't lose or misplace it! This new twist was so fun, and all three of us absolutely loved it. (Have you ever played that game with the jelly beans, Beanboozled? If not, Google it, and if so...well, may the force be with you, my friends!)

But what do these missions MEAN? Why are they a thing? I'm so glad you asked! When you get to each of the haunts, you'll take your clue book to the game master at each site. There, they will see how you did with the clues and the final puzzle at the end of the leg, and you'll get between 1-3 minutes to solve a mini breakout game! These are SO fun, but I will admit, when you're tired, they are HARD to do! The first game was gory and delightful. We loved playing with the...props...lol. You'll really need a HAND to solve this mystery! It was right up our alley and although we were SO CLOSE, we didn't make it out in time. But it was so much fun, and so detailed, and so well thought out...this was definitely a wonderful addition to the Run. I highly recommend you do your best on the missions, though, you need all 3 minutes!! The second one we ALMOST had it. I will fully take responsibility for dropping the ball on this one - I thought the last clue we were looking for was like, stickers, or something. Guys, I was tired. My bad, yo. But seriously, look EVERYWHERE. Even right in front of your face. That's all the spoilers I can afford, but trust me when I say you need this in your life. 

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, "What kind of sick, twisted, demented mind comes up with these things? Well, we finally got our answer to this one! We were blessed enough to meet the man behind the madness, the twisted mind behind all the clues, behind the missions, behind the breakout games - a true genius and the real Game Master himself, Garry O'Brien! For starters, this guy is kind of our hero, and we may or may not have been fangirling over meeting him. I'm thinking of starting a fan club...lol. But Garry is one of the brightest and kindest people I've ever met. He was so patient with us explaining how we'd been slightly misled (still not mad, please don't get me wrong here!) and how we should have done it. It was like a light bulb went off when he broke it down for us. It was such a joy to meet with him! We snagged a pic with him at one of the breakout games, and it's a memory we'll treasure for a lifetime. (Okay, we're nerds and we might have a stalker-level problem...)

There's no way this year's Danger Run is earning anything other than 5 stars from me. The haunts operate independently so they will be reviewed separately (see, I told you no spoilers!). But yeah, this year kicked it up several notches, and was so much fun!! 5 stars, y'all, and you deserve every single one! Special thanks to Garry and everyone involved with this year's Run, we had a blast, thanks for the awesome night!

#American Horrorplex: Round one (non-invasive)

Review by Kayla

Stars: 5/5


So American Horrorplex is a new haunt in Louisville and Ash and I were eager to visit it.

The night was clear and the weather great. The line was long but not too long. The staff were very friendly and offered candy and entertainment while we waited. The characters around us while waiting in line were certainly amusing and engaging. 47 and Doctor Heart were just a couple of those that kept our attention. 47 was very friendly and will let you close to him. Though be mindful when he tries to share with you! I wouldn’t recommend sampling what he has to offer. For all we knew it could have been rat poison.

We met up with a pair of great peeps who after getting to know them in the line, we decided to pair up with them for the first go-through. After being locked in a cage, we were given instructions and rules (no touchy-touchy since there is no cure for whatever has afflicted those within.) As we enter the haunt, we are greeted automatically with some very interesting characters. And some of those will make you jump and scream! The set was realistic and the acting was intense! Don’t trip over the spooks as you delve deeper into the darkness. Don’t let them have your body parts! And they don’t care what body parts you would offer either! Already, I’ve heard so many obscenities from our friends and screams from within our group that I’m laughing my ass off because it’s so damn scary.

The scare factors are endless and I had hardly no chances to catch my breath in between screams and jumps. Someone just find the damn kitty so I quit getting chased because I think I’m gonna die. Don’t feed them no matter how much they ask! Oh, and they want to take you to church but this scene is one you don’t want to feel so blessed in. The characters rocked our socks off. And the many times we got lost and all the doors. Oh dear lord, all the doors!!! What’s behind them! No. I take that back! I don’t want to know! Nooo!!!! We’re lost again! And there we go again…screaming for our lives! What is that smell???? Death? Nope. Well, maybe a little.

Don’t get on Officer Daniel’s bad side. I’d recommend you listen to her! Right. Right! Do you dare do as she tells you? You’ll have no choice. Great…an escaped monster is lurking in the dark and we’ve got to go in that direction. Oh shit! They got me again! I keep screaming…it’s so damn scary. Dr. Brackon will explain the details for the next few scenes and he’s very smart and Dr. Frankenstein-ish. What creations lurk ahead of us? God only knows!!! I know I sure don’t want to. We’re forced ahead like cattle and what befalls us, you don’t want to know. Do you have any phobias? If you do, you don’t want to move on. Except you must if you want to get out alive. And just when you think it’s over….more deep dark fears are ready to make you piss your pants! More screaming. More obscenities. I swear if you don’t normally curse…be prepared to say your prayers afterward because cursing like a sailor to combat your intense fears may just make you feel a little better after all the frights that come at you.

The actors scream, scare, and don’t always leave when you move on to the next set. Yep…they like to follow you! And that shit is terrifying. But we made it out with our lives intact. Don’t think it was easy! With dentists that you don’t want to open your mouth for, padded walls that make you itch get escape, electric worries, blood, poo, psychopaths, and tricky floors, you’ll need all your might if you are to make it to the end.


The cast was definitely on top of their game. There weren’t many dead spots so it’s hard to catch your breath in between all the screaming. They were convincing in their scenes and extremely interactive. The creativity behind each scene was detailed and amazing. And the variety was so wide that anyone that enters will find something to be startled and scared by. Their costumes were totally and ridiculously astounding. A good mixture of masks and makeup that were always appropriate for each set we entered. The atmosphere both before we entered the haunt and within were interesting and entertaining. The special effects were just enough. The characters were most interactive and their acting was so on spot that what special effects that were used allowed the hauntees to focus on getting the most out of the story of the scenes and the scares to be had. The theme was carried throughout very well and authenticity was maximized. This haunt had more scare factor than most of the haunts I’ve attended. Predictability was minimal, which is always a plus. I was satisfied 100% with this haunt and I truly didn’t have a negative thing to say about it. I didn’t think it could get better. Yet, it does. When you opt for the invasive haunt. Which we did. Reviews for the invasive haunt coming soon!