#American Horrorplex: Round one (non-invasive)

Review by Kayla

Stars: 5/5


So American Horrorplex is a new haunt in Louisville and Ash and I were eager to visit it.

The night was clear and the weather great. The line was long but not too long. The staff were very friendly and offered candy and entertainment while we waited. The characters around us while waiting in line were certainly amusing and engaging. 47 and Doctor Heart were just a couple of those that kept our attention. 47 was very friendly and will let you close to him. Though be mindful when he tries to share with you! I wouldn’t recommend sampling what he has to offer. For all we knew it could have been rat poison.

We met up with a pair of great peeps who after getting to know them in the line, we decided to pair up with them for the first go-through. After being locked in a cage, we were given instructions and rules (no touchy-touchy since there is no cure for whatever has afflicted those within.) As we enter the haunt, we are greeted automatically with some very interesting characters. And some of those will make you jump and scream! The set was realistic and the acting was intense! Don’t trip over the spooks as you delve deeper into the darkness. Don’t let them have your body parts! And they don’t care what body parts you would offer either! Already, I’ve heard so many obscenities from our friends and screams from within our group that I’m laughing my ass off because it’s so damn scary.

The scare factors are endless and I had hardly no chances to catch my breath in between screams and jumps. Someone just find the damn kitty so I quit getting chased because I think I’m gonna die. Don’t feed them no matter how much they ask! Oh, and they want to take you to church but this scene is one you don’t want to feel so blessed in. The characters rocked our socks off. And the many times we got lost and all the doors. Oh dear lord, all the doors!!! What’s behind them! No. I take that back! I don’t want to know! Nooo!!!! We’re lost again! And there we go again…screaming for our lives! What is that smell???? Death? Nope. Well, maybe a little.

Don’t get on Officer Daniel’s bad side. I’d recommend you listen to her! Right. Right! Do you dare do as she tells you? You’ll have no choice. Great…an escaped monster is lurking in the dark and we’ve got to go in that direction. Oh shit! They got me again! I keep screaming…it’s so damn scary. Dr. Brackon will explain the details for the next few scenes and he’s very smart and Dr. Frankenstein-ish. What creations lurk ahead of us? God only knows!!! I know I sure don’t want to. We’re forced ahead like cattle and what befalls us, you don’t want to know. Do you have any phobias? If you do, you don’t want to move on. Except you must if you want to get out alive. And just when you think it’s over….more deep dark fears are ready to make you piss your pants! More screaming. More obscenities. I swear if you don’t normally curse…be prepared to say your prayers afterward because cursing like a sailor to combat your intense fears may just make you feel a little better after all the frights that come at you.

The actors scream, scare, and don’t always leave when you move on to the next set. Yep…they like to follow you! And that shit is terrifying. But we made it out with our lives intact. Don’t think it was easy! With dentists that you don’t want to open your mouth for, padded walls that make you itch get escape, electric worries, blood, poo, psychopaths, and tricky floors, you’ll need all your might if you are to make it to the end.


The cast was definitely on top of their game. There weren’t many dead spots so it’s hard to catch your breath in between all the screaming. They were convincing in their scenes and extremely interactive. The creativity behind each scene was detailed and amazing. And the variety was so wide that anyone that enters will find something to be startled and scared by. Their costumes were totally and ridiculously astounding. A good mixture of masks and makeup that were always appropriate for each set we entered. The atmosphere both before we entered the haunt and within were interesting and entertaining. The special effects were just enough. The characters were most interactive and their acting was so on spot that what special effects that were used allowed the hauntees to focus on getting the most out of the story of the scenes and the scares to be had. The theme was carried throughout very well and authenticity was maximized. This haunt had more scare factor than most of the haunts I’ve attended. Predictability was minimal, which is always a plus. I was satisfied 100% with this haunt and I truly didn’t have a negative thing to say about it. I didn’t think it could get better. Yet, it does. When you opt for the invasive haunt. Which we did. Reviews for the invasive haunt coming soon!

Haunted Review - Haunted Hotel by Kay

“Welcome Home.” 

That’s what the concierge promised upon entering the Haunted Hotel. That was spoken ominously right before he led us into the elevator from Hell. Kevin Stich, Owner of Haunted Hotel, as well as all his staff, set the stage for an adventure that gets tweaked and - if you can believe it - perfected with each new season!

Enter the elevator at your own risk! Darkness in your face, but there’s MORE! Shake, rattle, and scream as you witness through aggressive actors who are super scary and totally nerve-wracking fun! It seems like everything is closing in on you. A great lead up to a scary ride through this haunted hotel. (I loved the new twist!)

Be careful. You will likely get touched, poked, prodded, licked, sprayed, and even electrocuted! I screamed so many times! I found myself searching for moments to take a few breaths before having my senses heightened all over again. Things WILL most definitely go boom in the dark! Monsters jump out, follow you, get full on in your face, grab your head, and every little thing is nail-biting intense awesomeness!

Did I mention that this season was absolutely tremendous? The extreme props never let you down. The strobe lights and fog machines force you to stumble and hesitate to take that next step. Because you just KNOW that something is waiting for you. Whether you are the first, middle, or last in your group…there’s something for every single one of you! The engineered scare tactics worked perfectly with the sounds and music building up to the next heart-pounding rush of adrenaline as you scramble to escape each room…wondering what the next one has in store for you. The all original costumes and masks were spectacular. Don’t expect to see anything cliche or on-screen horror crap in the Haunted Hotel.

I appreciated that there were no long walks of silent boring blah that you will sometimes encounter with hauntings. Nope. You won’t find that hear. You’re lucky if you are given enough time in between scenes to catch your breath, wipe your tears, and think “What the hell am I doing here?” Simply enough seconds to build up the anticipation and make sure you have the shirt of the person in front of you clenched in between your shaking fingers.

One memorable character I’d like to call out is Cece. She was both cute and monstrous to the point that I didn’t know if I wanted to cuddle her or kill her…before she could end me. And can I just say…those freaking chainsaws! I learned something during this haunt. If you cover your face, it doesn’t make them go away. No. It only encourages them to give you more. They desire your fear! They will lick it up. And if that’s not enough, they will buddy up with another chainsaw chasing terror. Teaming up against you to drain every bit of your fear and tears. Your worst nightmare is their greatest desire.

Some things were similar to previous seasons; the good things. The scenes that stand the test of time. The changes this season only enhanced the entire experience for me and I would, without a doubt, say that this was the best I’ve encountered compared to previous years. I commend Kevin, his extreme characters, horrific scenery and props, and sinister scaring was truly a remarkable adventure. A lot of hard work goes into creating and making it all work. Showmanship was at 100% throttle. I ran my ass off and screamed a good number of times. It was totally lit.

The theme of Haunted Hotel is every worst possible nightmare one could ever hope to encounter in a grungy, nasty, horror-filled hotel. And this season was one of the best, in my opinion.

5 out of 5 Stars for this multi-award winning haunt!

New Season, New Reviews, New Team

First...an apology.

Before anyone thinks I'm reversing any negative reviews, let me stop you there. I don't post reviews as a way to be an ass or because I just don't like you or your haunt because of some unrelated reason. No, my reviews are the accounts of my personal opinions, and I can't change what I experience.

Actually, this apology is to everyone who was counting on me last haunting season. To those amazing haunters working so friggin hard to provide us all with an exquisite fun time of screams and thrills that I never got to visit and review. To those epic fans of the haunts who were waiting on the reviews and insights to their favorite and new favorite haunts. To the haters that follow me just to be hateful - hey, I'm still on your mind, so how is this not a win for me? To the people new to this blog that really got the worst first impression - I really hope I can redeem myself to you.

There really is a legit reason why I couldn't do my reviews last season. I won't bore you with the details, but our family grew by 2 last year and we grossly underestimated how much of our time would be consumed. See, we spent a lot of time working with the schools and therapists, and crisis units and hospitals and...well, we ended up being so busy with everything else that fun and haunted houses simply had to be backburnered until we could get our lives right again. Unfortunately, we're still struggling with this, but I'm Hellbent and determined to at least give it the old college try.

So with that being said, I DO plan to visit haunts this year. Tragically though, Kay can't join me this year. That damn thing called life keeps getting in the way! So I'm working on bringing another partner in crime on board to review with me. I'll keep ya posted on who will be hanging out with us this year as soon as I have an update.

In the meantime, I ask y'all to forgive and forget, and let's start anew this year with some wicked awesome reviews and this year, we'll give out awards to our faves! Maybe there'll be prizes for the followers too. This year, following and hanging out with us might just benefit you! You never know what's gonna happen. So follow the blog, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Let us know what YOU wanna see, and haunters, please let us know if you want us to come see you this year. It's gonna be a TIGHT schedule, so hit me up soon, because I'm gonna start making rounds this weekend!!

Haunted Review - Baxter Ave Morgue (by Ash)

Hiya, folks! So, first let me apologize for my absence and my silence. Between PC issues, migraines, and a lovely head cold/respiratory bug, I've not been myself lately. Not trying to seek pity or make excuses, just reality has been ROUGH lately.

Anyway, I'm kinda back, the PC is kinda working, I can kinda breathe, and my brain hasn't exploded, so I'll call it a win. And I owe you some reviews!! First up is Baxter Avenue Morgue.

Okay, I visited this haunt several years ago (back with Aly) and we absolutely loved it. Suffice it to say that after two or three years, we were excited to revisit. The night we went it was rainy and wet and crappy outside, so naturally the line was short. We only waited about fifteen minutes, but I will say it seemed SO much longer because the ghoulies that normally come around and try to scare the people in line were mostly absent, and the ones present were apathetic. One dude did seem like he'd had a wee bit too much sugar and was mildly entertaining, but he disappeared and we only saw him again from a distance. Some of the ghoulies were standing around talking, which wasn't scary but at least it was something to look at.

We made it to the front of the line and I don't even know how the conversation started but we ended up saying each other's names loudly. Hey, we pay good money to be scared, and when they know your name, it's a little more personal and a little more intimidating! When it was our turn, they called me out first and made me go into this room just inside the door BY MYSELF. I repeat, I was utterly alone with these psychopaths. Let that sink in a moment...

Now, this was awesome. I thought they were doing some little "Hey, your friend went missing, go find her" kind of schpiel. Nope. They were coming at me with friggin needles, talking in the most deranged voices with these eerie accents and turning the lights out on me and overall making me wanna piss my panties. These guys were GOOD. I was ready for a chicken door, but I sucked it up and followed their direction into the haunt. Alone.

Oh. Em. Gee. Have you ever gone through a haunt completely alone?? It's intimidating and I was on the lookout for the chicken doors because I honestly didn't think I'd make it without at least one person holding my hand. I started through, and rounded the corner and then...

Nada. Not one single scare. There were approximately four actors throughout the rest of the haunt, the animatronics were delayed so I had to turn around to see them, the paths weren't marked too well and with no actors to point the way I almost went off the path a time or two. There was one scream and that was when there was a loud burst of air at my feet that I wasn't prepared for. That was IT. I literally went through the remainder of the haunted house waiting for something - ANYTHING - to try to scare me, but then I saw some people goofing off in what looked like a gift shop and I thought I'd finally gone off the path and ended up somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. Nope. Just the end of the line, end of the haunt, please exit through the gift shop (literally), don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!

Wait. It's over? Like, when am I supposed to get scared? Is there some grand finale that's gonna make me cry like a baby?

Nope. Worst experience EVER. The only one of the three of us who got anything was Jennifer, who was the last of us to go through the haunt alone.


Now, here's a bit of a disclaimer. The night we went, apparently 75% of their haunting staff called in. Well, more than that, but I don't do math. The owner came and talked to us after such a devastating performance and explained that normally there are 40-ish actors inside and that night there were about 10. That's a really good way to make the haunt not scary, and out of the owner's control. What was NOT out of the owner's control was a forewarning of what to expect (since we paid good money for nothing) OR just shutting it down for the night. Yeah, he'd have lost some good money, and that would suck for him. But in my humble opinion, getting crappy reviews from review groups (like us) who paid to be scared and got irritated instead is a much worse blow than losing the money for that night. I appreciate his explanation and apology, but the apology came too late and the damage had been done.

I give Baxter Avenue Morgue 3/10 stars. The only salvation was the intro. Had that been lacking in any sort of way, this would probably be my first ever 0 star. It wasn't even mildly entertaining once we left the intro area. In all honesty, I thought about going easy on them because of how many actors called in, but the reality is: if I experienced it, so did someone else, and that makes it not okay.

I'm so disappointed, Baxter Avenue Morgue. You made a bad call and ruined our experience because of it. I thought you were above that. Tsk, tsk...

Review: Gallrein Farms (by Ash)

With Halloween creeping closer (hooray!) the time arrived for our annual family punkin' pickin' day. Every year my family loads up and travels the short drive to Shelbyville to Gallrein Farms to pick out our pumpkins and for some family fun.

This year we noticed a few changes, one that particularly hurt the score and broke my heart. The hayride to the pumpkin patch that is ALWAYS free is a thing of the past. It's always been free to ride to and from the pumpkin patch, then you just pay for your pumpkins by weight. So we show up with my husband, my mother, my sister, and my two brothers. Six people. And they are charging $2 per person to just go TO the pumpkin patch. My math sucks, but I'm pretty sure that's an extra $12 that we weren't planning on paying. The only salvation was the fact they had picked out some of the pumpkins and put them in a field within walking distance so you could go walk and pick UP your pumpkins. They weren't on the vines anymore so it's no longer punkin' pickin' but punkin' pickin' UP. When you put it that way it kind of loses it's charm and draw. I was so disappointed.


Nevertheless, they still had the hay pit, the hay castle, the bales of hay set up for kids to run and jump around on, and the big tunnel for the kiddos to play and run down some of their energy, all for free. Plus a free petting zoo (feed = $) and some paid activities, like a tractor ride, pony rides, bounce houses, and a corn maze. They have a market where you can buy smaller pumpkins and gourds, Indian corn, food/drink, gifts, and other goodies. There is also a tent set up selling food, but the prices are kinda high. Not, like, unreasonable, just higher than I'd like to pay for six people.

So we ended up walking to the small pumpkin patch and thankfully had a really easy time picking out our pumpkins this year. I guess it wasn't terrible that they changed things up, I like the selection. But I prefer the hayride and having to pick the pumpkins off the vines. It makes it more...involved. Personal. Like, "Pikachu, I choose YOU!!" (I totally need to get a fourth pumpkin named Pikachu now...)

So all in all, I give it 8/10 stars. We'll go back. We'll be more prepared, but we'll go back.

***Pictures of our pumpkins Chuck, Larry, and Zelda will be coming soon***