American Horrorplex Take 1 (non-Invasive)

Review by Ash

5 Stars

In its inaugural year, on only its second night alive (if you can call what's in there "alive"), American Horrorplex catapults you into a twisted night of terror. And you're lucky if you make it out alive and without contamination.

Sure, the line was long - here is a good time to buy the VIP pass and skip the line. I tend to feel that way about most places cause I'm an impatient brat, but I think you're gonna want to get to the good stuff faster. Spring for it if you can.

There are two different experiences at American Horrorplex: the regular walk-through and the Invasive walk-through. I'll review Invasive later - it's a wholly different experience! For now, I'll focus on our first trip through. 

Kayla and I adopted a couple we found fun and thought they would make a great sacrifice - I mean...nevermind. Colton and Trix Yogurt (Robyn), thanks for hanging out with us, first off. Y'all were a blast! Second, omg, I think Robyn made a whole ship full of sailors blush as the spew of newly formed expletives rushed out in every scene! It was fabulous, and y'all were great sports. 

In the line, we are treated to the fun talents of Dr. Heart (with a little heart on her lab coat), 47, creepy dude (I'm sure he has a name but for the life of me I don't remember if we ever got it), and the minions. NOT the yellow guys, either. The sounds, sights, and yes, smells, are an adventure all their own. They kept us entertained and the lady who wears her heart on her...outside of her chest...offered us candy. I mean, you're never too old for candy!! Just maybe don't get too close to 47. He is pretty damn convincing that he's not gonna move. DON'T TRUST HIM!! And maybe don't smell his teeth...just my opinion.

Once it's our turn, we're ushered into a cage where the rules and regulations are delivered to us in a German accent. None of us speak German, so the lovely lady switched to English for our benefit. Then we're taken inside and the real fun begins. 

No no, we don't need a trip to the dentist, and sure, we'll go meet your children! Wait, what? No, I need my body parts for myself, thanks! You again?! Kitty? KITTY! Kayla's seen your kitty! (Not that kind, you perv!) Oh shit, someone find his damn kitty! Oh good, a church. Wait. No no no, I don't need this religion! Okay, he's alive, but that guy isn't, is he? Or is he? IS HE??? Why all the banging doors? For the love of God don't let whatever is in there out! Oh, a lady cop, she'll help us - nope! Wrong again! Ooooh, I wanna pull the lever!! No, I don't wanna go in there! Is that poo? Nah...oh, wait...yep, THAT is poo. Oh shit. I'm not going in there. I AM NOT GOING IN THERE!! Damn it, I went in there and no, those are not tears in my eyes. I'm not scaredy-crying, YOU are! I'M NOT STEPPING ON THAT! *Sorry I called you a fucking bitch, Kayla!* Oh look, more hungry people wanna eat us. I'm more popular here than I've ever been! Oh good, a chance to catch our - NOOOPPPEE!!! WTF are y'all?! No, I don't wanna play! Get me outta here!

Whew! Yeah, I skipped a little bit that Kayla outlined, but omg, you can NOT fit all that we went through into a decent length review. That was nonstop, heart thudding, adrenaline-pumping, scream-inducing assault on our sense of reality and sanity, ending only in the need and desire to GTFO of that place! 

The set design was very well thought out and executed, the makeup and costumes were spot-on, and the whole haunt seemed to blur the lines between realism and surrealism. Are you awake? Are you having a nightmare? Is there really a difference at this point?

All said and done, obviously this haunt gets 5 stars. I can't say one bad thing other than I question the sanity of the creators and developers of this trippy haunt. I'd recommend therapy but I've seen the doctors they hang out with and I'm pretty sure those folks replaced the line between sanity and insanity with a banana ages ago. 

#American Horrorplex: Round one (non-invasive)

Review by Kayla

Stars: 5/5


So American Horrorplex is a new haunt in Louisville and Ash and I were eager to visit it.

The night was clear and the weather great. The line was long but not too long. The staff were very friendly and offered candy and entertainment while we waited. The characters around us while waiting in line were certainly amusing and engaging. 47 and Doctor Heart were just a couple of those that kept our attention. 47 was very friendly and will let you close to him. Though be mindful when he tries to share with you! I wouldn’t recommend sampling what he has to offer. For all we knew it could have been rat poison.

We met up with a pair of great peeps who after getting to know them in the line, we decided to pair up with them for the first go-through. After being locked in a cage, we were given instructions and rules (no touchy-touchy since there is no cure for whatever has afflicted those within.) As we enter the haunt, we are greeted automatically with some very interesting characters. And some of those will make you jump and scream! The set was realistic and the acting was intense! Don’t trip over the spooks as you delve deeper into the darkness. Don’t let them have your body parts! And they don’t care what body parts you would offer either! Already, I’ve heard so many obscenities from our friends and screams from within our group that I’m laughing my ass off because it’s so damn scary.

The scare factors are endless and I had hardly no chances to catch my breath in between screams and jumps. Someone just find the damn kitty so I quit getting chased because I think I’m gonna die. Don’t feed them no matter how much they ask! Oh, and they want to take you to church but this scene is one you don’t want to feel so blessed in. The characters rocked our socks off. And the many times we got lost and all the doors. Oh dear lord, all the doors!!! What’s behind them! No. I take that back! I don’t want to know! Nooo!!!! We’re lost again! And there we go again…screaming for our lives! What is that smell???? Death? Nope. Well, maybe a little.

Don’t get on Officer Daniel’s bad side. I’d recommend you listen to her! Right. Right! Do you dare do as she tells you? You’ll have no choice. Great…an escaped monster is lurking in the dark and we’ve got to go in that direction. Oh shit! They got me again! I keep screaming…it’s so damn scary. Dr. Brackon will explain the details for the next few scenes and he’s very smart and Dr. Frankenstein-ish. What creations lurk ahead of us? God only knows!!! I know I sure don’t want to. We’re forced ahead like cattle and what befalls us, you don’t want to know. Do you have any phobias? If you do, you don’t want to move on. Except you must if you want to get out alive. And just when you think it’s over….more deep dark fears are ready to make you piss your pants! More screaming. More obscenities. I swear if you don’t normally curse…be prepared to say your prayers afterward because cursing like a sailor to combat your intense fears may just make you feel a little better after all the frights that come at you.

The actors scream, scare, and don’t always leave when you move on to the next set. Yep…they like to follow you! And that shit is terrifying. But we made it out with our lives intact. Don’t think it was easy! With dentists that you don’t want to open your mouth for, padded walls that make you itch get escape, electric worries, blood, poo, psychopaths, and tricky floors, you’ll need all your might if you are to make it to the end.


The cast was definitely on top of their game. There weren’t many dead spots so it’s hard to catch your breath in between all the screaming. They were convincing in their scenes and extremely interactive. The creativity behind each scene was detailed and amazing. And the variety was so wide that anyone that enters will find something to be startled and scared by. Their costumes were totally and ridiculously astounding. A good mixture of masks and makeup that were always appropriate for each set we entered. The atmosphere both before we entered the haunt and within were interesting and entertaining. The special effects were just enough. The characters were most interactive and their acting was so on spot that what special effects that were used allowed the hauntees to focus on getting the most out of the story of the scenes and the scares to be had. The theme was carried throughout very well and authenticity was maximized. This haunt had more scare factor than most of the haunts I’ve attended. Predictability was minimal, which is always a plus. I was satisfied 100% with this haunt and I truly didn’t have a negative thing to say about it. I didn’t think it could get better. Yet, it does. When you opt for the invasive haunt. Which we did. Reviews for the invasive haunt coming soon!