American Horrorplex Take 1 (non-Invasive)

Review by Ash

5 Stars

In its inaugural year, on only its second night alive (if you can call what's in there "alive"), American Horrorplex catapults you into a twisted night of terror. And you're lucky if you make it out alive and without contamination.

Sure, the line was long - here is a good time to buy the VIP pass and skip the line. I tend to feel that way about most places cause I'm an impatient brat, but I think you're gonna want to get to the good stuff faster. Spring for it if you can.

There are two different experiences at American Horrorplex: the regular walk-through and the Invasive walk-through. I'll review Invasive later - it's a wholly different experience! For now, I'll focus on our first trip through. 

Kayla and I adopted a couple we found fun and thought they would make a great sacrifice - I mean...nevermind. Colton and Trix Yogurt (Robyn), thanks for hanging out with us, first off. Y'all were a blast! Second, omg, I think Robyn made a whole ship full of sailors blush as the spew of newly formed expletives rushed out in every scene! It was fabulous, and y'all were great sports. 

In the line, we are treated to the fun talents of Dr. Heart (with a little heart on her lab coat), 47, creepy dude (I'm sure he has a name but for the life of me I don't remember if we ever got it), and the minions. NOT the yellow guys, either. The sounds, sights, and yes, smells, are an adventure all their own. They kept us entertained and the lady who wears her heart on her...outside of her chest...offered us candy. I mean, you're never too old for candy!! Just maybe don't get too close to 47. He is pretty damn convincing that he's not gonna move. DON'T TRUST HIM!! And maybe don't smell his teeth...just my opinion.

Once it's our turn, we're ushered into a cage where the rules and regulations are delivered to us in a German accent. None of us speak German, so the lovely lady switched to English for our benefit. Then we're taken inside and the real fun begins. 

No no, we don't need a trip to the dentist, and sure, we'll go meet your children! Wait, what? No, I need my body parts for myself, thanks! You again?! Kitty? KITTY! Kayla's seen your kitty! (Not that kind, you perv!) Oh shit, someone find his damn kitty! Oh good, a church. Wait. No no no, I don't need this religion! Okay, he's alive, but that guy isn't, is he? Or is he? IS HE??? Why all the banging doors? For the love of God don't let whatever is in there out! Oh, a lady cop, she'll help us - nope! Wrong again! Ooooh, I wanna pull the lever!! No, I don't wanna go in there! Is that poo? Nah...oh, wait...yep, THAT is poo. Oh shit. I'm not going in there. I AM NOT GOING IN THERE!! Damn it, I went in there and no, those are not tears in my eyes. I'm not scaredy-crying, YOU are! I'M NOT STEPPING ON THAT! *Sorry I called you a fucking bitch, Kayla!* Oh look, more hungry people wanna eat us. I'm more popular here than I've ever been! Oh good, a chance to catch our - NOOOPPPEE!!! WTF are y'all?! No, I don't wanna play! Get me outta here!

Whew! Yeah, I skipped a little bit that Kayla outlined, but omg, you can NOT fit all that we went through into a decent length review. That was nonstop, heart thudding, adrenaline-pumping, scream-inducing assault on our sense of reality and sanity, ending only in the need and desire to GTFO of that place! 

The set design was very well thought out and executed, the makeup and costumes were spot-on, and the whole haunt seemed to blur the lines between realism and surrealism. Are you awake? Are you having a nightmare? Is there really a difference at this point?

All said and done, obviously this haunt gets 5 stars. I can't say one bad thing other than I question the sanity of the creators and developers of this trippy haunt. I'd recommend therapy but I've seen the doctors they hang out with and I'm pretty sure those folks replaced the line between sanity and insanity with a banana ages ago. 

Haunted Review - Danger Run (NO SPOILERS) by Ash

For 24 years, it's been a challenge to survive the night. But in year 25, the game changed.

Quite literally, SO much was different! On its 25th birthday, Danger Run stepped outside their comfort zone and pushed you to new boundaries. Let's get started, shall we?

Okay for starters, for those of you who stupidly didn't check the website and find this out, the starting gate at the Dixie location is no more. Don't try it, you'll feel like a donkey. (We did, anyway.) But the Hurstbourne location is still very much up and running, and you can start online. Other than that, I swear I don't remember any other gates, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. Just be smart, check before you go!

So you go to the gate, pay your $30, and you get your clue book(s) and a goody bag. Not too shabby! The clues are different this year - instead of 5-line limericks, you have 2 line rhymes. Honestly, while I admit I love the limericks, I like the 2-liner ones too. They were easier to solve with less erroneous information, and yes, I get it, that was the point of the limericks sometimes, but as the night grew later and later, we were happy to have less info to sift through. 

That being said, don't expect this year to be any easier just because the clues are more concise. The simplicity is DECEIVING, I tell you! Some clues are pretty easy, like which way to turn out of the gate. After that though, it gets a little tricky. Not gonna lie, we already missed our turn on clue 2 or 3, y'all. 

So the roads. Some of these were creepy AF. What kind of monsters live on these dark terror-filled streets?! (Okay, actually, if I had the money I probably would, it was nice to be able to see stars and not have your neighbors so close you can shake hands through your windows. But that's not what's important.) There were moments when we were convinced we'd gone the wrong way or missed something the clue was telling us to look for. There were times when the clues were worded in such a way you felt like you were naked in a physics class giving a speech on aeronautics when the highest science you'd taken was Bio 1. (Really let that image sink in...) So the clues were pretty epic this year, I give DR so much credit there! 

Not to make you panic or anything, but this year there are also missions. Now, perhaps because it was opening weekend and they had some bugs to work out, perhaps our people were new or just tired, but ultimately we were given SLIGHTLY confusing information. Big hint: JUST FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS IN THE CLUE BOOK REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY SAY. We aren't mad at the people, I'm sure they didn't see us pull up and think, "haha, I'm gonna ruin their effing night!" Just a helpful hint for the missions. Anyway, so you follow the directions and either look for landmarks and enter which clue you used to find them, or you simply do as the mission says. There is one on each page, and the clues on the neighboring pages won't affect the missions. It's one page, one mission. And they're FUN! Tricky, confusing, and downright weird, but so much fun. They also include sensory clues. You get to involve your sense of taste, smell, sight, lack of sight, and you also get to play with dice and a special flashlight. This is where your goody bag comes into play. All the stuff you need to solve some of the missions will be in that bag - don't lose or misplace it! This new twist was so fun, and all three of us absolutely loved it. (Have you ever played that game with the jelly beans, Beanboozled? If not, Google it, and if so...well, may the force be with you, my friends!)

But what do these missions MEAN? Why are they a thing? I'm so glad you asked! When you get to each of the haunts, you'll take your clue book to the game master at each site. There, they will see how you did with the clues and the final puzzle at the end of the leg, and you'll get between 1-3 minutes to solve a mini breakout game! These are SO fun, but I will admit, when you're tired, they are HARD to do! The first game was gory and delightful. We loved playing with the...props...lol. You'll really need a HAND to solve this mystery! It was right up our alley and although we were SO CLOSE, we didn't make it out in time. But it was so much fun, and so detailed, and so well thought out...this was definitely a wonderful addition to the Run. I highly recommend you do your best on the missions, though, you need all 3 minutes!! The second one we ALMOST had it. I will fully take responsibility for dropping the ball on this one - I thought the last clue we were looking for was like, stickers, or something. Guys, I was tired. My bad, yo. But seriously, look EVERYWHERE. Even right in front of your face. That's all the spoilers I can afford, but trust me when I say you need this in your life. 

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, "What kind of sick, twisted, demented mind comes up with these things? Well, we finally got our answer to this one! We were blessed enough to meet the man behind the madness, the twisted mind behind all the clues, behind the missions, behind the breakout games - a true genius and the real Game Master himself, Garry O'Brien! For starters, this guy is kind of our hero, and we may or may not have been fangirling over meeting him. I'm thinking of starting a fan club...lol. But Garry is one of the brightest and kindest people I've ever met. He was so patient with us explaining how we'd been slightly misled (still not mad, please don't get me wrong here!) and how we should have done it. It was like a light bulb went off when he broke it down for us. It was such a joy to meet with him! We snagged a pic with him at one of the breakout games, and it's a memory we'll treasure for a lifetime. (Okay, we're nerds and we might have a stalker-level problem...)

There's no way this year's Danger Run is earning anything other than 5 stars from me. The haunts operate independently so they will be reviewed separately (see, I told you no spoilers!). But yeah, this year kicked it up several notches, and was so much fun!! 5 stars, y'all, and you deserve every single one! Special thanks to Garry and everyone involved with this year's Run, we had a blast, thanks for the awesome night!

#American Horrorplex: Round one (non-invasive)

Review by Kayla

Stars: 5/5


So American Horrorplex is a new haunt in Louisville and Ash and I were eager to visit it.

The night was clear and the weather great. The line was long but not too long. The staff were very friendly and offered candy and entertainment while we waited. The characters around us while waiting in line were certainly amusing and engaging. 47 and Doctor Heart were just a couple of those that kept our attention. 47 was very friendly and will let you close to him. Though be mindful when he tries to share with you! I wouldn’t recommend sampling what he has to offer. For all we knew it could have been rat poison.

We met up with a pair of great peeps who after getting to know them in the line, we decided to pair up with them for the first go-through. After being locked in a cage, we were given instructions and rules (no touchy-touchy since there is no cure for whatever has afflicted those within.) As we enter the haunt, we are greeted automatically with some very interesting characters. And some of those will make you jump and scream! The set was realistic and the acting was intense! Don’t trip over the spooks as you delve deeper into the darkness. Don’t let them have your body parts! And they don’t care what body parts you would offer either! Already, I’ve heard so many obscenities from our friends and screams from within our group that I’m laughing my ass off because it’s so damn scary.

The scare factors are endless and I had hardly no chances to catch my breath in between screams and jumps. Someone just find the damn kitty so I quit getting chased because I think I’m gonna die. Don’t feed them no matter how much they ask! Oh, and they want to take you to church but this scene is one you don’t want to feel so blessed in. The characters rocked our socks off. And the many times we got lost and all the doors. Oh dear lord, all the doors!!! What’s behind them! No. I take that back! I don’t want to know! Nooo!!!! We’re lost again! And there we go again…screaming for our lives! What is that smell???? Death? Nope. Well, maybe a little.

Don’t get on Officer Daniel’s bad side. I’d recommend you listen to her! Right. Right! Do you dare do as she tells you? You’ll have no choice. Great…an escaped monster is lurking in the dark and we’ve got to go in that direction. Oh shit! They got me again! I keep screaming…it’s so damn scary. Dr. Brackon will explain the details for the next few scenes and he’s very smart and Dr. Frankenstein-ish. What creations lurk ahead of us? God only knows!!! I know I sure don’t want to. We’re forced ahead like cattle and what befalls us, you don’t want to know. Do you have any phobias? If you do, you don’t want to move on. Except you must if you want to get out alive. And just when you think it’s over….more deep dark fears are ready to make you piss your pants! More screaming. More obscenities. I swear if you don’t normally curse…be prepared to say your prayers afterward because cursing like a sailor to combat your intense fears may just make you feel a little better after all the frights that come at you.

The actors scream, scare, and don’t always leave when you move on to the next set. Yep…they like to follow you! And that shit is terrifying. But we made it out with our lives intact. Don’t think it was easy! With dentists that you don’t want to open your mouth for, padded walls that make you itch get escape, electric worries, blood, poo, psychopaths, and tricky floors, you’ll need all your might if you are to make it to the end.


The cast was definitely on top of their game. There weren’t many dead spots so it’s hard to catch your breath in between all the screaming. They were convincing in their scenes and extremely interactive. The creativity behind each scene was detailed and amazing. And the variety was so wide that anyone that enters will find something to be startled and scared by. Their costumes were totally and ridiculously astounding. A good mixture of masks and makeup that were always appropriate for each set we entered. The atmosphere both before we entered the haunt and within were interesting and entertaining. The special effects were just enough. The characters were most interactive and their acting was so on spot that what special effects that were used allowed the hauntees to focus on getting the most out of the story of the scenes and the scares to be had. The theme was carried throughout very well and authenticity was maximized. This haunt had more scare factor than most of the haunts I’ve attended. Predictability was minimal, which is always a plus. I was satisfied 100% with this haunt and I truly didn’t have a negative thing to say about it. I didn’t think it could get better. Yet, it does. When you opt for the invasive haunt. Which we did. Reviews for the invasive haunt coming soon!

Haunted Review - Haunted Hotel by Kay

“Welcome Home.” 

That’s what the concierge promised upon entering the Haunted Hotel. That was spoken ominously right before he led us into the elevator from Hell. Kevin Stich, Owner of Haunted Hotel, as well as all his staff, set the stage for an adventure that gets tweaked and - if you can believe it - perfected with each new season!

Enter the elevator at your own risk! Darkness in your face, but there’s MORE! Shake, rattle, and scream as you witness through aggressive actors who are super scary and totally nerve-wracking fun! It seems like everything is closing in on you. A great lead up to a scary ride through this haunted hotel. (I loved the new twist!)

Be careful. You will likely get touched, poked, prodded, licked, sprayed, and even electrocuted! I screamed so many times! I found myself searching for moments to take a few breaths before having my senses heightened all over again. Things WILL most definitely go boom in the dark! Monsters jump out, follow you, get full on in your face, grab your head, and every little thing is nail-biting intense awesomeness!

Did I mention that this season was absolutely tremendous? The extreme props never let you down. The strobe lights and fog machines force you to stumble and hesitate to take that next step. Because you just KNOW that something is waiting for you. Whether you are the first, middle, or last in your group…there’s something for every single one of you! The engineered scare tactics worked perfectly with the sounds and music building up to the next heart-pounding rush of adrenaline as you scramble to escape each room…wondering what the next one has in store for you. The all original costumes and masks were spectacular. Don’t expect to see anything cliche or on-screen horror crap in the Haunted Hotel.

I appreciated that there were no long walks of silent boring blah that you will sometimes encounter with hauntings. Nope. You won’t find that hear. You’re lucky if you are given enough time in between scenes to catch your breath, wipe your tears, and think “What the hell am I doing here?” Simply enough seconds to build up the anticipation and make sure you have the shirt of the person in front of you clenched in between your shaking fingers.

One memorable character I’d like to call out is Cece. She was both cute and monstrous to the point that I didn’t know if I wanted to cuddle her or kill her…before she could end me. And can I just say…those freaking chainsaws! I learned something during this haunt. If you cover your face, it doesn’t make them go away. No. It only encourages them to give you more. They desire your fear! They will lick it up. And if that’s not enough, they will buddy up with another chainsaw chasing terror. Teaming up against you to drain every bit of your fear and tears. Your worst nightmare is their greatest desire.

Some things were similar to previous seasons; the good things. The scenes that stand the test of time. The changes this season only enhanced the entire experience for me and I would, without a doubt, say that this was the best I’ve encountered compared to previous years. I commend Kevin, his extreme characters, horrific scenery and props, and sinister scaring was truly a remarkable adventure. A lot of hard work goes into creating and making it all work. Showmanship was at 100% throttle. I ran my ass off and screamed a good number of times. It was totally lit.

The theme of Haunted Hotel is every worst possible nightmare one could ever hope to encounter in a grungy, nasty, horror-filled hotel. And this season was one of the best, in my opinion.

5 out of 5 Stars for this multi-award winning haunt!

Haunted Review - Haunted Hotel by Ash

"Welcome home..."

They were the final words our ears heard before traversing the depths of a hellish nightmare filled with horrors and a panic-infused myriad of rooms at the Haunted Hotel.

Okay, so before I go any further, anyone who's been keeping up with us knows that we hit some of the same haunts every year, and the Haunted Hotel is one of them. Needless to say, we're familiar with the haunt, but for those who aren't, here's the skinny: 

• This is an EXTREME haunt. That word is not used lightly or to be some non-literal interpretation of the word (like the word literally no longer literally means literally - look it up, the English language is getting even more complicated, folks!), but it literally means it is extreme. They will touch you. They will grab you. They will push you to your limits. It's physically demanding, and I say this because not only are there stairs to climb and the occasional step up or down, but you might get pushed and pulled and there's a very real chance you'll be running for your life at least once or twice. You're gonna hear some foul language too, so parents, use your judgment on this, and if your kid is sensitive or perhaps too young to hear some things that might make a sailor blush, maybe wait a year or two before you subject them to the Haunted Hotel.
• This place is pretty scary. There is a lot of hard work and effort that goes into the haunt every year. The actors are IN YOUR FACE and the scenery might be a little much for some people to handle. I can't stress enough that this place is intense and will make you question your sanity. 

Okay, that being said, here is Ash's review of The Haunted Hotel.

For starters, the outside of the building is already made to creep you out. They have creepers out there mingling with the folks in line, randomly popping up to scare you and sometimes have a good time making you cringe. It does look like a dilapidated building that was once the home of a thriving hotel, so the outside draws you in. Once inside, though, the nightmare begins.

You are greeted by a man who calls you family and welcomes you to your new home. He wants to fix you. If these creations are what's considered being fixed, please leave me broken!!

Each room is fully decked out with what can only be a small fortune's worth of convincing props. Seriously, I have to commend owner Kevin Stich for this, I'm definitely a details kind of person, and he delivers in spades. Definitely check out the toilet, it's awesome. 

I will say, the lovely young lady with what appears to be a lead pipe or metal pole...did you LICK me?! Omigosh, like, ew! I mean, if not, that's cool too, but you are a pretty adventurous person to be licking people, lol! I was genuinely concerned.

The swamp was a lovely addition, as were a lot of the other changes. The combination of lights and smoke/fog were on point, genuinely disorienting us and building that panic of OMG, what's gonna happen next!

There was a lot of focus on the BOO factor, but it was used well in conjunction with gruesome scenes and high-quality actors. They have this odd way of making you feel like your life is actually in danger. I love it. Many kudos to these guys and gals killing it night after night and never letting us down.

Oh, and by the way, great job building suspense. There was just enough down time for you to let your guard down before a new wave of terror took over. 

One last thing, the chainsaw guys. Okay, so, I will admit that walking into this, I kinda had the idea of where they were, and I wasn't really afraid. Mostly. But that's because Kay and Jennifer were terrified, and I almost fell over laughing at them. The chainsaw guys were hardcore killing it on Kay and Jennifer, and it was pure haunted house gold. I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard. 

All in all, it was yet another exquisite performance and job well done by the Haunted Hotel and the cast and crew that made it happen. Five Stars, folks, well done!!

New Season, New Reviews, New Team

First...an apology.

Before anyone thinks I'm reversing any negative reviews, let me stop you there. I don't post reviews as a way to be an ass or because I just don't like you or your haunt because of some unrelated reason. No, my reviews are the accounts of my personal opinions, and I can't change what I experience.

Actually, this apology is to everyone who was counting on me last haunting season. To those amazing haunters working so friggin hard to provide us all with an exquisite fun time of screams and thrills that I never got to visit and review. To those epic fans of the haunts who were waiting on the reviews and insights to their favorite and new favorite haunts. To the haters that follow me just to be hateful - hey, I'm still on your mind, so how is this not a win for me? To the people new to this blog that really got the worst first impression - I really hope I can redeem myself to you.

There really is a legit reason why I couldn't do my reviews last season. I won't bore you with the details, but our family grew by 2 last year and we grossly underestimated how much of our time would be consumed. See, we spent a lot of time working with the schools and therapists, and crisis units and hospitals and...well, we ended up being so busy with everything else that fun and haunted houses simply had to be backburnered until we could get our lives right again. Unfortunately, we're still struggling with this, but I'm Hellbent and determined to at least give it the old college try.

So with that being said, I DO plan to visit haunts this year. Tragically though, Kay can't join me this year. That damn thing called life keeps getting in the way! So I'm working on bringing another partner in crime on board to review with me. I'll keep ya posted on who will be hanging out with us this year as soon as I have an update.

In the meantime, I ask y'all to forgive and forget, and let's start anew this year with some wicked awesome reviews and this year, we'll give out awards to our faves! Maybe there'll be prizes for the followers too. This year, following and hanging out with us might just benefit you! You never know what's gonna happen. So follow the blog, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Let us know what YOU wanna see, and haunters, please let us know if you want us to come see you this year. It's gonna be a TIGHT schedule, so hit me up soon, because I'm gonna start making rounds this weekend!!

Haunted Review - Baxter Ave Morgue (by Ash)

Hiya, folks! So, first let me apologize for my absence and my silence. Between PC issues, migraines, and a lovely head cold/respiratory bug, I've not been myself lately. Not trying to seek pity or make excuses, just reality has been ROUGH lately.

Anyway, I'm kinda back, the PC is kinda working, I can kinda breathe, and my brain hasn't exploded, so I'll call it a win. And I owe you some reviews!! First up is Baxter Avenue Morgue.

Okay, I visited this haunt several years ago (back with Aly) and we absolutely loved it. Suffice it to say that after two or three years, we were excited to revisit. The night we went it was rainy and wet and crappy outside, so naturally the line was short. We only waited about fifteen minutes, but I will say it seemed SO much longer because the ghoulies that normally come around and try to scare the people in line were mostly absent, and the ones present were apathetic. One dude did seem like he'd had a wee bit too much sugar and was mildly entertaining, but he disappeared and we only saw him again from a distance. Some of the ghoulies were standing around talking, which wasn't scary but at least it was something to look at.

We made it to the front of the line and I don't even know how the conversation started but we ended up saying each other's names loudly. Hey, we pay good money to be scared, and when they know your name, it's a little more personal and a little more intimidating! When it was our turn, they called me out first and made me go into this room just inside the door BY MYSELF. I repeat, I was utterly alone with these psychopaths. Let that sink in a moment...

Now, this was awesome. I thought they were doing some little "Hey, your friend went missing, go find her" kind of schpiel. Nope. They were coming at me with friggin needles, talking in the most deranged voices with these eerie accents and turning the lights out on me and overall making me wanna piss my panties. These guys were GOOD. I was ready for a chicken door, but I sucked it up and followed their direction into the haunt. Alone.

Oh. Em. Gee. Have you ever gone through a haunt completely alone?? It's intimidating and I was on the lookout for the chicken doors because I honestly didn't think I'd make it without at least one person holding my hand. I started through, and rounded the corner and then...

Nada. Not one single scare. There were approximately four actors throughout the rest of the haunt, the animatronics were delayed so I had to turn around to see them, the paths weren't marked too well and with no actors to point the way I almost went off the path a time or two. There was one scream and that was when there was a loud burst of air at my feet that I wasn't prepared for. That was IT. I literally went through the remainder of the haunted house waiting for something - ANYTHING - to try to scare me, but then I saw some people goofing off in what looked like a gift shop and I thought I'd finally gone off the path and ended up somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. Nope. Just the end of the line, end of the haunt, please exit through the gift shop (literally), don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!

Wait. It's over? Like, when am I supposed to get scared? Is there some grand finale that's gonna make me cry like a baby?

Nope. Worst experience EVER. The only one of the three of us who got anything was Jennifer, who was the last of us to go through the haunt alone.


Now, here's a bit of a disclaimer. The night we went, apparently 75% of their haunting staff called in. Well, more than that, but I don't do math. The owner came and talked to us after such a devastating performance and explained that normally there are 40-ish actors inside and that night there were about 10. That's a really good way to make the haunt not scary, and out of the owner's control. What was NOT out of the owner's control was a forewarning of what to expect (since we paid good money for nothing) OR just shutting it down for the night. Yeah, he'd have lost some good money, and that would suck for him. But in my humble opinion, getting crappy reviews from review groups (like us) who paid to be scared and got irritated instead is a much worse blow than losing the money for that night. I appreciate his explanation and apology, but the apology came too late and the damage had been done.

I give Baxter Avenue Morgue 3/10 stars. The only salvation was the intro. Had that been lacking in any sort of way, this would probably be my first ever 0 star. It wasn't even mildly entertaining once we left the intro area. In all honesty, I thought about going easy on them because of how many actors called in, but the reality is: if I experienced it, so did someone else, and that makes it not okay.

I'm so disappointed, Baxter Avenue Morgue. You made a bad call and ruined our experience because of it. I thought you were above that. Tsk, tsk...

Review: Gallrein Farms (by Ash)

With Halloween creeping closer (hooray!) the time arrived for our annual family punkin' pickin' day. Every year my family loads up and travels the short drive to Shelbyville to Gallrein Farms to pick out our pumpkins and for some family fun.

This year we noticed a few changes, one that particularly hurt the score and broke my heart. The hayride to the pumpkin patch that is ALWAYS free is a thing of the past. It's always been free to ride to and from the pumpkin patch, then you just pay for your pumpkins by weight. So we show up with my husband, my mother, my sister, and my two brothers. Six people. And they are charging $2 per person to just go TO the pumpkin patch. My math sucks, but I'm pretty sure that's an extra $12 that we weren't planning on paying. The only salvation was the fact they had picked out some of the pumpkins and put them in a field within walking distance so you could go walk and pick UP your pumpkins. They weren't on the vines anymore so it's no longer punkin' pickin' but punkin' pickin' UP. When you put it that way it kind of loses it's charm and draw. I was so disappointed.


Nevertheless, they still had the hay pit, the hay castle, the bales of hay set up for kids to run and jump around on, and the big tunnel for the kiddos to play and run down some of their energy, all for free. Plus a free petting zoo (feed = $) and some paid activities, like a tractor ride, pony rides, bounce houses, and a corn maze. They have a market where you can buy smaller pumpkins and gourds, Indian corn, food/drink, gifts, and other goodies. There is also a tent set up selling food, but the prices are kinda high. Not, like, unreasonable, just higher than I'd like to pay for six people.

So we ended up walking to the small pumpkin patch and thankfully had a really easy time picking out our pumpkins this year. I guess it wasn't terrible that they changed things up, I like the selection. But I prefer the hayride and having to pick the pumpkins off the vines. It makes it more...involved. Personal. Like, "Pikachu, I choose YOU!!" (I totally need to get a fourth pumpkin named Pikachu now...)

So all in all, I give it 8/10 stars. We'll go back. We'll be more prepared, but we'll go back.

***Pictures of our pumpkins Chuck, Larry, and Zelda will be coming soon***

Haunted Review: Haunted Hotel (by Ash)

Okay, I have a lot to say here. So stick it out, I promise to deliver!

 

We have reviewed the Haunted Hotel for years, back when it was me and Aly and now with me and Michala. We've seen a lot of scary shit in this haunt. We've seen the good, the bad, the ugly, we've had good times, we've had bad times, and we've seen a lot happen inside Louisville's longest running haunted house, and every year there are new things to see and new fears explored. Let's breakdown what happened when we checked in...

 

Okay, so if you've even accidentally walked or driven by this haunt in late September through October, you'll see right away that this is a popular haunt and no cost is spared to make it extravagant. There's cop cars, lights flashing, a parking lot with people waving little lighted sticks at you to stop and park even if you don't want to...lol. It's a sight to behold, but when you get closer and actually stand there waiting, it can be intimidating. We KNOW (sort of) what's waiting for us on the other side of the doors. We still get bouncy with nervous anticipation because there's enough mystery and tension building up to the moment you're ushered inside the doors that you can't help but feel the jitters. Well, I can't.

 

This year the first change I noticed was the missing bellhop, and I was sad. That guy...damn. He got me every year. The new guy though had an interesting purpose and it kinda set the tone for the rest of our visit. He is more of a storyteller, being the original owner who's returned to fix what all the other employees "fucked up." Which makes you wonder...where are they, what did they fuck up, and what the hell is waiting beyond that rope you're moving and ushering us to follow you past?

 

Hell was exactly what was waiting for us. We got on the elevator - mind you, we KNOW what's coming. We've played this game before. The door closes and without even hesitating I grab Michala's arm and we hold each other in fearful anticipation of what's gonna happen next. Well, Gustav's incredible acrobatics showed that we can't be prepared for his world. Then his velociraptor-like wail...omigosh, I think I can still hear it! How that guy still has a voice left is beyond me!

Haunted Review: Nightmare Forest (by Ash)

Sorry for the delays in getting reviews up, this girl fell ill then started battling migraines. Still fighting, but I refuse to let another day pass with no reviews! So please excuse any typos or derailed trains of thought.

 

We ended up visiting Nightmare Forest...recently, lol. It was thankfully a well-marked entrance and a creepy road to drive down at night. That set the mood already. We parked and made our way to the ticket booth then through the corn field. I thought that was a nice touch, because it just keeps you in the mood as you meander your way to the line. Upon exiting the corn there was a traveling freak show complete with a couple of tents for stuff to look at. Honestly, we didn't stop, we were on a mission to be scared and we wanted to git r done.

Haunted Review: The Devil's Attic - By Ash

Every so often you come across a haunt that really chills you to the bone, eliciting nightmares for weeks on end - one that makes you not only question reality, but to question your own sanity.

This was not that experience.

Let's just start from the beginning. It was a rainy night, and the line was thankfully covered. The owner graciously upgraded our tickets to speed passes to allow us to bypass the line, which while it earned us a few nasty glares, it was incredibly appreciated considering the weather! We met with the owner and he even let us take a pic with him and his pet rat.

Okay, so we go inside, and having been there before I'm already expecting the first surprise as we approach the Devil, so I lead the way and then stand off to the side waiting for the "boo" moment. Okay, so the Devil? He was an ass. I mean, not that I expect the real Devil would be kindhearted and sweet or anything, but this guy asked me what I was doing hurrying into the room and then told me to go to the back of the line. Um. No. I paid for my ticket, I wanna get scared, I'm not going anywhere. So when I refused and kinda laughed at his efforts, he beckons these two little kids (and I mean, like, the oldest had to be no older than 8) and their family forward, thus putting the three of us in the back anyway. What the hell? I don't look for preferential treatment, but I expect to be scared and I expect to get my money's worth. I don't expect to be told where I get to be in the group, this isn't grade school and if I got there first, I deserve to be in the front.

Haunted Review: Danger Run - By Ash ***SPOILER ALERT!!***

****SPOILER ALERT**** ****SPOILER ALERT**** ****SPOILER ALERT****

In order to give good honest feedback, some details of Danger Run and it's haunts will be disclosed. No, we will not tell you the names or locations of the haunts. Not even if you beg. Not even if threatened. (Actually, we're kinda freaky, we might like that...)

Okay, so we visited the infamous Danger Run again this year, and the expectations have never been higher. Partially because we've been doing this a while so we like to think we're getting good at the clues. (We're not.) Partially because the price went up this year, and while we understand inflation, that only made us expect more. Partially because Danger Run had two of their OWN haunted houses that are exclusive to Danger Runners, plus a third public haunt that is pretty widely known. (Nope, still not saying which one!) 

Baxter Avenue Morgue Review

Baxter Avenue Morgue Review by Michala Tyann

Upon arriving to this haunt, the rain was finally letting up. Lucky us! We got in the very short line-like six people only. We were already a little concerned because there were no outside entertainers. All we saw was, behind us in the dark alley, five or six people standing around. We wondered if it was possibly some actors on a break maybe. Finally we got our first entertainer. A short, thin guy who acted like he had severe mental problems. He wasn’t really suited up to look scary but his acting was kinda on point. I had to wonder if there actually was something wrong with him.

Danger Run Clue-Seeking Fun

Danger Run Review by Michala Tyann

This review does not include the haunts along Danger Run. It simply is me rating my experience with Danger Run, the clue seeking thrill ride.

I will not disclose any locations. I do however, with my other reviews give some themes just because I know that Danger Run offers different routes.

I went into this evening knowing there were a few complaints on the previous nights. Those in charge over Danger Run listened and altered some things to make improvements. I don’t know what those complaints were but I will say, I personally believe that Danger Run proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that they hear us when we tell them our thoughts.

Devil's Attic Review

Devil’s Attic Haunted Attraction Review by Michala Tyann.

Disclaimer: I personally do not enjoy giving negative reviews. I believe there is always a little of good in anything, even from a negative experience. I always share my experiences honestly and candidly. However these are my personal experiences. 

Going into this with a Groupon Discount, I still felt that this haunted attraction was too costly for such a brief visit. sIt really was a short excursion into the dark side of the Devil’s Attic. They did have some terrific themes going on within the attraction. Unfortunately, I don’t feel as though they did enough with them. Their characters were well dressed and make-up was decent, some even fantastic. And yet, I felt it all lacked something significant. There were some that got real close and personal-like all up in my face. And I LIKED THAT! I want that. I want you to scare me, but don’t hit me. Not with your body and not with your props.  I didn’t get hurt or anything…though I did have to rub at the pain a little on my arm. It wasn’t big enough to make a fuss about and I do believe it was on accident so I didn’t go further with it. Just be warned, there are some that do get ‘lost’ in the chaos of the scare and you may get touched.

7th Street Haunt Review: by Michala Tyann

REVIEW BY: MICHALA TYANN

Disclaimer: I personally do not enjoy giving negative reviews. I believe there is always a little of good in anything, even from a negative experience. I always share my experiences honestly and candidly. However these are my personal experiences. 

Last year our Danger Run experience took us to the SeventhStreet Haunt. (This year they are separate.) Initially, the line was not very long; we did get there pretty late however. We were greeted by Nana Hannah and we absolutely LOVED her. 

Haunted Review - 7th Street Haunt: Ft. Harmony's Revenge (by Ash)

Ha! Two in a row before anyone else's reviews go live! I'm on a roll!!

Okay, so before I jump into part two of the review for 7th Street, there was a brief interlude where they were offering casket rides for $5. Being the brave person I am - STOP LAUGHING!! - I decided to give it a whirl. Well. The casket is narrow and I'm not, so I now know what a corndog feels like. Then they were having mechanical issues. I couldn't help but laugh, mostly because that's how my luck goes. So while I waited there for them to get the thing to work, Kay grabbed my phone and took some very unflattering pics that I simply had to share.

Okay, so they got it to start and soon enough realized I had no audio so I didn't get the full experience, but I walked away with one very valuable piece of knowledge I never knew I didn't want to know. Rotting flesh smells putrid and I was nearly gagging for fresh air by the time they opened the lid for me. Come to find out they pump scents into the coffin. Very clever! Gross, but clever.

Haunted Review - 7th Street Haunt: The Experiment (By Ash)

HA! I beat the other reviewers to getting up the first Haunted Review of the season! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!

Okay, so the very first stop of the season was 7th Street Haunt. Now, if you've been following the blog religiously (like you SHOULD be!) you'd know we started reviewing this haunt the year they first opened their doors in 2012. Since then, we've watched this haunt grow and expand to the point that this year, they have not just one but TWO haunts. So suffice it to say we are going to keep going every year until they kick us out and tell us not to come back while waving restraining orders in our faces.

Heading to The Haunted Hotel!

So excited to be going out to s haunt again!! Tonight we're taking on The Haunted Hotel, and we'll post our review later this evening (in theory, though admittedly, it might not go live till someone tomorrow, lol)!! We have high expectations this year based on last year's visit, so we're super psyched!! Stay tuned and we'll let you know what we thought!!

Haunted Review - 7th Street Haunt

Okay, it's no big secret that I'm a fan of this haunt. This being only their second year in operation, they are back and quickly becoming one of the most talked about haunts in the area. Well, at least in the circles I run in, but I'm willing to bet it's pretty popular with the normal folks of the world too.

I was able to meet with Travis Boling, owner of the haunt and nightmare expert. We had a lot of fun and he let me in on a few secrets planned for next year that no doubt with bring this haunt to even higher levels of terror. A lot of focus this year was on building the haunt out, and now that they have the layout and design in place, next comes more props and perhaps an exterior facelift? The work that's gone into the haunt so far has really been such a drastic change that I didn't even recognize it! Travis admitted they only took a couple of weeks off at the end of last year's haunting season before beginning the tedious work that goes into remodeling and rebuilding the nightmares. This, my friends, is a haunt that has no limits and moving at warp speed to become one of the most loved and feared haunts in Louisville. We had so much fun, I only wish I'd woken with a voice and without a sore throat. Or the alcohol-free hangover from too much fun.

So without further ado...



Ashley's Take


The Set Design

Okay, this is the first haunt where I've actually had to stop and run my fingers over the walls and the decorations (kids, don't try this, I was soon attacked by the walls and it's STRONGLY warned that you don't touch the walls or the actors or anything else! Don't make him press the red button!!) The only downfall here was the video in the beginning. Both Aly and I are hard of hearing, and we had no clue what was happening in the video. Then again, it was loud with other haunted house sounds all around us and turning it up much louder probably would have been distracting to other parts of the haunt. Still, it wasn't a major distraction, we just told the soldier we couldn't hear it and he explained it. I have a feeling we missed out on the plot of the dangerous zone we were about to walk into, but I don't feel like I missed out on much. Everything was meticulously done up and the detail to each room and scene was intricate. The rooms and scenes had a great flow and transition, too, making everything very cohesive and connected. I really dig the design and props this year.


The Props

There were a lot of props in this year's design, and even though owner Travis revealed that next year was going to be a big addition to the props department, I still thought the props this year were very cool. From the lovely dinner table to the exquisite


The Actors

Oh, the actors. These guys got me. The actors are statuesque and completely immobile until they're ready to scare you, and when they do, even if they don't do the "BOO" factor, they are pretty darn scary. A lot of these actors blended into the walls and scenes so well that you didn't know they were there or thought they were props because they were excellent at their job. I have to give massive props to the clown that almost put me into the hospital with a heart attack. I actually threw myself into a corner and screamed my head off. Loudly. And repeatedly. While my "best friend" and family laughed at me. Kudos to the hideously terrifying clown, and thanks SO much for the dreams from last night.


The Scare Factor

Although it did rely heavily on the shock factor, this haunt had a good deal of piss-your-pants fear. (Case in point-the clown.) Sure, a lot of times these actors were stationary and popped out at you, but it wasn't just the fact that they popped out to scare you, it's that they were friggin horrifying. Some of the sounds they made too...they didn't have to pop out and scare you at 7th Street. They just have to sit there and make an unnatural noise that makes your blood run cold. Plus, they built the anticipation of not knowing what was coming and not bombarding you with nonstop BOOs. It was both refreshing and nightmare-inducing. Literally.


The Shock Factor

I've already mentioned it a couple of times, but I have to really say it again, these guys had great timing and were unpredictable. We didn't know which ones were props, which were real people, which were moving, or which were stationary. It kept us guessing and wondering what the hell was coming next. Wonderful mixture of shock and fear.


The Originality

This is one of the very few truly original plots in Louisville, basing the whole haunt on the idea of this long-since forgotten town of Fort Harmony, KY, and the horrific events that took place there. Now, here's where I feel we lost a little because we didn't get the history or background from the video, but it wasn't hard to deduce what happened to Ft. Harmony, for the most part. While we don't know how it happened, the combination of the medical aspect and undead aspect is really truly phenomenal.


Other Factors to Consider

This haunt may only be in its second year, but the genius behind it and powering it are seasoned experts, bringing you to the brink of insanity and terror, and they only keep getting better. The difference between 2012 and 2013 is comparable to the difference between a fruit fly and a Wooly Mammoth. Really, wtf?? It's not the same in any way, except to be terrifying. I'm genuinely impressed with the progress made and was promised next year is going to be even better. I can't wait. (Is it opening weekend 2014 yet??)


Overall Entertainment

Man, just from the moment you get your tickets to the moment you come flying out of the door, there was nonstop enjoyment. You get to look stupid and take a funny picture with props when you get inside, then you get to meet the Mayor, who gives you a little intro and tells you a story before sending you in to meet the army guy. From there, it's a bajillion screams and a lot of fun all the way to the end. All in all, I'd give this haunt a 4.5 Star rating. It's really just been a screaming good time, and we'll definitely be coming back for more!



Now, for Aly's feedback...



Aly's Two Cents